Waiting Forever for Whomever

He now exists

amongst the cells

in my hippocampus.

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All the Wondering Killed the Cat

What if. What if we hadn’t met? What if we didn’t know of each other’s existence? What if we hadn’t shared? What if we hadn’t got to know each other? We wouldn’t have been wondering a lot. Wondering if the other person feels the same as you do. Wondering if maybe, all of this had no depth to begin with.

We wouldn’t have wasted so much energy and time taking a journey that never had a direction. Doing and saying things for the sake of doing and saying things. Feeling confused when we didn’t have to in the first place.

And what if we had met much later in our lives? Would things have turned out differently? Would things have been better? Would we have been in the know? In the know of what our feelings would be.

So much wondering has been done. And so many “we” have been used. Without realizing that I was the only one wondering. The only one asking questions. Wanting to know the answer. Wanting to be in the know. Wanting to stop the confusion. Just me. Not you. Because you’re already wondering about someone else.

Waves

You find yourself at the beach, basking in the sun whilst admiring the waves and the sand in your slippers. Strolling through thinking of the person you’re dying to share this moment with. The person who crosses your mind whenever an event takes place. While the said person wishes for you to not think of him in such manner. Because he feels burdened to be thought of as someone important to you. Because the feelings are simply not mutual. Then you tell yourself that this particular person who has been the subject of all your rants, thoughts, and shit doesn’t even exist in here and now, only in the literary world as a substance of each entry. 

Lingering Feelings

It’s funny how all these years we have been breathing in the same air and living under the same sky, the same laws, going to the same places, walking the same paths, eating the same food, but never once encountered one another after our last. Never once didn’t I anticipate our future encounter every time I left the threshold of my home. I wonder if you did the same.